By Debbie Gardner
debbieg@thereminder.com
Meghan Reynolds has made a career of helping individuals and families deal with all sorts of situations, both as part of her nearly 20 years serving clients as a social worker and since 2006, as the director of resident services at Glemeadow Retirement Community in Longmeadow, MA.
With the holiday season upon us – and the potential for family disharmony it brings – Prime reached out to Reynolds for some advice on how to navigate the dinners, parties and gatherings in a way that can amp up the joy and reduce the anxiety for everyone.
Here’s what she had to say:
Q: Holidays mean family time, but that doesn’t always go smoothly. How can family members prepare for, and hopefully diffuse, personality and generational conflicts?
“Plan ahead – and this isn’t just for the food choices and what time you are going to eat and where. Plan ahead for the personalities with whom you will be interacting. Don’t count on them being different for the holiday – count on them being their normal self.
“Plan ahead to react differently to them – so that your anxieties do not increase and you can enjoy your day. Holidays can be stressful for everyone, and many people will be heightened with stress and anxiety, even anger. Prepare for it. Know that you may need to take deep breaths, step outside, longer ‘bathroom breaks’ to give you a little space and time to not just react, but take a moment, gather yourself and your thoughts, and then go back out there and look for the good and enjoy.
“Small moments can mean a lot. The grandkids playing with Grandpa, a smile, a hearty laugh, a perfect mashed potato, whatever – appreciate the small things – don’t look for perfect.”
Q: Holidays are also about traditions, and often it’s family elders that keep them going. When that becomes challenging, how can families help elders preserve – and pass along– those traditions?
“Talk. Invite the elder to share the stories of the past, the recipes, the ancestors.
“Take notes, too. Bring the traditions that you can along with you. Sometimes that is a recipe, maybe it’s a serving dish that has passed down through the generations – or just a favorite one, perhaps it’s the gathering of the family around the fireplace or the set table for a picture or a song or a prayer.
“You may not be able to have the holiday gathering at Gram’s place anymore, but you can still have the feelings and the comraderie and at least some traditions. Embrace what you can, remember what and who cannot be there, talk, listen, be present.”
Q: It’s great when a family grows – but that also often means blending rituals and expectations. How can families find compromise on things like dinner plans, religious celebrations and gift-giving?
“Again, talk about it. Right now is the perfect time to plan for the later holidays in the year.
“Make it a point that a change in the “usual” celebration does not mean that you are saying “no” to someone or something, but that you are saying “yes” to another someone. Make it a positive about new traditions, new family members, new ways to celebrate. Often times, family members feel the pressures of all the plans and gift giving, and may be relieved to talk about trying something new while still honoring the past traditions”.
