Very Private: Love & Money

Howto handle the biggest relationship pitfall by Jacqui Brandwynne Special to PRIME Statistics say that money issues are the number one reason couples argue. It is also the major cause in over 90 percent of all divorces. And, most psychologists agree,money it is the one subject that couples prefer not to discuss. What's your money barometer? Have you ever asked yourself what money means to you? If you're about to move into a long-term relationship, or if, in your marriage, money problems are looming, it's time to talk money, openly and honestly. People attach very different meaning to money. Some equate it with power, success, and control. Many see money as security or even as a proof of love. Some constantlyfear not having money. Feelings a bout money are deep and often are the root of misunderstandings. The money talk Whether yours is a new or established relationship, you need to discuss money issues honestly and openly on a regular basis. To communicate with each other, each partner needs to know what you have and seek, and understand what money means to you. If you've been single for awhile, you've been used to making your own financial decisions. Moving to couplehood may make you apprehensive about sharing assets and financial information. If your new partner is wealthier than you and offers to take care of you, does that make you happy or ill at ease? If your assets are greater than those of your partner, do you fear losing money? In either case, do you feel that the way he or she handles financial responsibilities is ill advised? Whatever the circumstances, frank communication is crucial to avoid pitfalls in the relationship, new or established. Couple money smarts Establish guidelines together from the beginning and revise your plan when financial circumstances change. Be clear about who owns what, who spends what, who pays which bills and from which account. Foggy money plans lead to emotional collisions. If your partner ignores the rules, speak up and rectify the problem. If it happens repeatedly, recognize that you may require professional help. New love . and money For new couples, it is critical to understand each other's financial picture before co-mingling funds: 1. Exchange a list of your assets, your own monthly budget, your yearly income and your debts. 2. Agree on your financial goals. 3. Based on this information establish the "together" budget. 4. Do it early, before the first calamity hits. 5. When you draft the "together" budget, resolve numbers and discuss feelings about the different money issues. 6. Both of you should be comfortable with your final decisions before you document them to avoid misunderstandings. 7. Do what works. Some couples have his, hers and common bank accounts. Others choose to have separate credit cards so they can decide how to use their spending money. 8. Don't forget to plan for Christmas, birthdays and vacation expenses. 9. Make setting aside six months of living expenses in case of financial reversals part of your savings plan. 10. Explore carefully how to invest the money you save. 11. Decide who pays the bills. 12. Discuss major purchases such as a car together and adjust your budget accordingly. 13. If neither of you is financially savvy, get help from a financial counselor, banker or a savvy friend. Knowing about your money is the first step to financial security. Happy sailing! Jacqui E-mail Jacqui your question: contact:veryprivate@gmail.com Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. 2008 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.