Very Private
Jacquiline Brandwynne
Time zone differences.
Not being able to reach each other when you want or need to talk.
The majority of couples in the know say that long-distance love puts a great deal of extra strain on the relationship and is difficult to pull off.
"When we finally get together, it's like having to start all over again to establish comfort and intimacy," said one couple.
For some singles, geographic differences are absolute no-no's. Others make the relationship work even though they're apart more time than not.
Developing winning strategy
"Two location relationships are definitely harder to maintain but where there is a will there is a way to keep love humming," say Suzanne and Bill.
They live a three-hour plane ride apart and have maintained a happy marriage for 11 years. "We are in touch at least two times daily, by e-mail or phone, to stay connected. Many couples living under the same roof don't have as good and frequent communication as we do."
Playing the hand you're dealt
Karin teaches inner city kids in San Diego. Sam, her fianc, works for an oil company in Houston. "It's not an ideal situation", he says. "We both feel frustrated and lonely at times. After my divorce, I didn't have the kind of money to hop on a plane each weekend, so when we are together we really make it count. We can accept being apart because being together is so special."
Don't overlook the 'tells'
For Irene things went awry. Being in love and eager to be with Ron all the time, she accepted his invitation to move cross-country. She left her home and sold her successful boutique.
Luckily, she found a good job one week after moving in with Keith because she learned soon that he was unwilling to make any accommodation to share a life with her; computer time every morning, golfing every afternoon, poker night every Tuesday and Thursday.
Having successfully retired, he expected Irene to fit in. Simple requests such as building some shelves for her things irritated him. Irene had often felt lonely during their separation, now she felt like a stranger in his home.
Six months later Ron announced that he couldn't go through with the marriage and gave her two days to clear out her stuff. It took Irene years to reestablish her self-esteem and her life.
Moving ... it's a big gamble
Relocating means taking risks. Creating a fall back position is a good idea, such as exploring ways to continue working for your current employer or securing a new job before the move. Another possibility is to rent your own place before moving in with your love so you have ample time to get to know each other. Renting your old home rather than selling it outright is another safeguard.
Know when to stand pat
Most important is being sure that your decision to move is right emotionally. Escaping from a bad relationship or home situation, being unhappy or lonely in your current life is not a good reason to pick up and go. The one compelling reason to follow your loved one is your belief and desire that both of you want to build a happy and meaningful life together.
But you can win at love
Leaving one's home and friends is emotionally stressful. The other partner must be sensitive and do everything to making the newcomer feel especially welcome and wanted, coping with the new environment, sharing family members and friends. For the one who leaves, it is essential that the experience is not felt as giving up identity, friends and home but gaining an exciting new life with the one they love.
E-mail Jacqui your question: info@veryprivate.com or by regular mail to: PO Box 491341, Los Angeles, CA 90049. Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. (c) 2005 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.
