For married couple, embers are rekindled

Dear Jacqui: We celebrated our first anniversary last week. Having both been divorced, we wanted to really get to know each other well before jumping in. One of the things that made our relationship so exciting was our incredible attraction to each other. But.I don't know what happened! In the last few months I've simply lost it. I have trouble getting aroused. I'd give anything to feel like I did before. Instead, I have become anxious about not being able to respond. Even while we're making love I feel like I'm not really participating. —Janice Dear Janice: For most couples a new romance is the most exciting chapter of intimacy. This time of infatuation is described as "falling in love" because we literally may experience a sense of floating. Often, however, these feelings are based on a fantasy we have about a new partner. As the reality starts to emerge, as we begin to discover and interact with the real person this "love fever" is hard to sustain. When facts of life creep in and little doubts arise, that's the stage we have to ask the hard question. Is this a relationship for a lifetime or simply a wonderful infatuation that eventually runs its course? You say you and your partner have been married for one year. Do you still love your partner? Do you want to develop the relationship and grow together? If so, a new feeling of enduring love will become the bond between you and your partner. It is based on growing trust, friendship, and loving the person for the very qualities that are revealed, not the ones that were imagined. It is not unusual that during this bonding phase both partners discover deeper sexual intimacy, a greater sense of comfort and freedom with each other, and knowing how to please each other more. Could it be that there is something wrong with your expectations? You could lessen the pressure if you accept that nothing is static in a relationship, including sexuality. Instead of worrying about what has gone wrong, concentrate on what's wonderful between you. Stay present during lovemaking. Feel his touch, his kisses, the gift of his tenderness, moment by moment. Embrace the present rather than measuring it against memories of the past. Possibly, change some of the love patterns you have established, even sleeping on the other side of the bed, or making love in a different spot may rekindle passion. Try the unexpected! Finally, ask yourself, is what going on in your life outside your relationship that makes you anxious and passive? It is essential that you identify the cause of your unease, maybe even get some professional help before you let this relationship slide further towards an unhappy, and maybe, regrettable ending. —Jacqui E-mail Jacqui your question: contact veryprivate@gmail.com Visit: www.veryprivate.com. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. 2007 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.