Caring for the caregiver: tips to avoid burnout

Caregiving is an overwhelming challenge and often a life altering experience. It can drive one to distraction, even destruction, if allowed. Depending on the severity of the circumstance, the caregiving process can become a second career full of daily challenges, commitments, stress, financial obligations, and tough decisions. According to Cindy Laverty,owner of The Care Company, a southern California-based home care provider. "If you are a caregiver and want to survive this life stage, you must surrender your uncertainty about what to do and commit yourself to acting on a well thought out plan. Like any successful enterprise, having an understanding about what you are about to enter into will help you accept your new role and give you a roadmap for coping." First steps for caregiving • Become an observer You must take yourself to the place of a distant observer, where you can view the situation from an unemotional, well thought-out, objective place. By standing back and removing yourself temporarily from the center of the "storm", you will gain perspective and this will go miles in helping you create a plan. • Define your roles and responsibilities Depending on the condition of your loved one's health, you may find yourself having to do many things they previously did for themselves, such as personal grooming, driving to appointments or day-to-day household duties. Even if the person is greatly dependent upon you for their care, you will find that you are better able to maintain your own mental and physical health, and the dignity of the person for whom you are caring, if your roles and responsibilities are clearly defined. • Practice open communication This is not the time to be shy about your needs . clarify your role through open communication. Unless your loved one is mentally incapacitated, talk about his/her wants and needs, and be sure to make yours clear as well. Discuss today's necessities, but plan for the future. Make certain that you not only understand what your fiduciary boundaries are, but to whom you can refer to for other important decisions when the time comes. Tips for surviving caregiver burnout • Set realistic goals and turn to others for relief with certain tasks. • Stay realistic about the illness you are confronting. Your role is not to heal, but to help make life manageable for your loved one. • Set aside time for yourself. This is not a luxury, but a necessity. • Talk to a professional if you feel your life is spinning out of control. You cannot afford not to. • Explore and research respite care services and options. • Educate yourself, take the time to research, and learn. There is a plethora of information available. • Stick to the basics: eat right, exercise and get plenty of rest. Know when it is okay to turn off the phone and be quiet. • Pamper yourself. Take a bath; a long shower; spend time in nature; tap into your own spirituality and ask for help. Accept your feelings of frustration and anger as normal. • Join a care giving support group. Sharing your feelings with others in your same situation can be extremely helpful. Support groups help you manage stress, locate resources and provide a venue to reduce feelings of frustration and isolation. • Make time for activities you enjoy. • Care giving is rewarding, but there will be times when you will also feel anger, sadness, frustration and grief. Try not to judge your feelings. They are neither good nor bad, but rather a normal part of being human. "Care giving is hard work, filled with numerous demands. Sadly, many caregivers lose perspective about the importance of their role and feel guilty if they spend time on themselves. You cannot care for another person if you do not care for yourself. You must be kind to yourself and embrace the idea that your role as a caregiver is vital to our society. You are engaged in the ultimate service - giving of yourself to another person. Honor your role and honor yourself," said Laverty. About Cindy Laverty: While caring for her ill and aging former father-in-law for several years, Cindy Laverty discovered that compassionate caregiving was her true calling and formed The Care Company, a southern California-based home care provider. Laverty also hosts an entertaining, educational and insightful advice-driven radio program, The Cindy Laverty Show, available via the internet at www.cindylavertyshow.com