Reading the signals in a stalled relationship

PRIME – February 2014 By Jacqui Brandwynne CEO, Very Private You've known each other six months or more. You like each other. Maybe, you're even in love. Yet despite the attraction, the relationship doesn't seem to go forward. The messages are sometimes contradictory, and many moves and actions confusing. You haven't met his – or her – close friends or family, which concerns you. In situations such as this, it's natural to wonder, "what is going on?" Your situation is not that unusual. The stories below will help you spot the signals that say if it's time to exit this relationship: Scenario #1: He's handsome, bright and very much the gentleman. He gets into town every two or three weeks, and the the couple loves their time together. Yet after seven months of dating, she knows more about his business than his private life – and nothing about his future intentions. Conclusion: It's time to know about his intentions. If his answers to pointed questions seem evasive, if he tells you that he's perfectly happy with the status quo, you got your answer. However, give him a chance to reflect. His reaction will tell you if he's considering your needs or else it's curtain time Scenario #2: "She is stunning, fun and sex is great," he beams, "But she's always oh so busy." To make a date he has to call two weeks ahead of time and then wait for her confirmation. While her behavior is upsetting, he still hopes she will eventually get to the point of commitment. Conclusion: Signals say she is a multi-dater, and he's her back-up plan. The likelihood that their relationship will achieve a more intimate level is wishful thinking. Signals don't lie. Scenario #3: You're both boomers. You've been without partners for many years. After starting to date seriously, you're faced with news that your partner is diagnosed with a potentially serious health problem. You're devastated and emotionally torn. You recall spotting some unusual signals in the beginning of your relationship. Yet in the rush of love you ignored the worrisome signals. Now that this health issue has become front and center, what will you do when the promise of a happy life together is gone? Conclusion: When we reach the boomer years, health issues become more frequent. It is a must to discuss the subject thoroughly when starting a new relationship, just as important as revealing financial and other sensitive information. Understanding medical issues may require a meeting with a professional to understand the problems and risks. How your heart decides is quite another matter. Support from your family and/or a professional therapist may be of help. Scenario # 4: When you met the flames of attraction lit up instantly. But as the sexual fires abated, you discovered that you had very little in common. You both liked traveling but not to the same places. In fact, there was hardly a subject where you saw eye to eye. Opposites may attract, but if you don't share basic values and a number of similar interests, how can you expect to build a strong relationship or marriage? Conclusion: Passionate infatuations may not overcome the lack of common values. It takes focus and reflection to correctly interpret the signals in a relationship. If the signs are puzzling, it's time to ask for honest communication rather than postponing the inevitable decision. – Jacqui E-mail Jacqui your question: contact. veryprivate@gmail.com. Visit: www.veryprivate.com for valuable relationship information. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. 2014 Brandwynne Corp. All rights reserved.